Worth It All

My heart is heavy today. My pastor's brother and sister in law lost their little boy in his sleep. I don't even have words. I've never met the couple or their children; but my heart aches for them. I talked with my pastor's wife earlier today and told her that I almost feel guilty for having my babies; like me having my babies is a betrayal to those who lose theirs. 

It's not really that I feel guilty for having my babies; I think I feel guilt over not spending more time with them, having more patience with them, or loving them more than I already do. When tragedies like this happen it reminds me to appreciate that I have two beautiful, crazy smart, happy, and healthy children. I look at them and cannot imagine not having them: I can't imagine what life would be like if I woke up in the morning and one of them wasn't there. Few things would be worse.

I'm sorry that this is so heavy.. But it's life. Life is hard, it's sad, it's awful, it's heavy. But it's worth it. Life is also sunny, and beautiful, and happy, and light. It's worth the awful times to have the moments we cherish. It's worth it to have hope that just as sure as we will experience heart break we will also experience joy. Life is worth living.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

It's a promise: God will give beauty for ashes, joy in exchange for mourning, praise for heaviness; and all so that we can be the planting of the Lord and that he would be glorified. I don't have all the answers: why do babies die? Why do children suffer abuse? Why do people have to be manipulative, mean, hurtful, and/or deceitful? We live in a world that is born into sin; we live in a world where people use their free will to fulfill their selfish desires. We live in a world where some people are stupid and just plain stink. But, we also live in a world where there are sweet, lovely, and honest people. People who would give you their first and last dollar. People who will cry with you when your parent dies or house burns down. People who will love you even when you make mistakes and hurt their feelings. People who "fill in the gaps" when your family disowns you. For all the bad in this world there is still hope. For all of the sin and hatred there is still forgiveness and love to cover it all. The theme here is that life is worth living: it's worth living through and with the contrasts. Enjoy your life. And hug your babies a little closer tonight.

Mini Diva Meltdown

I seriously love my kids. They are my heart outside my body. So, when the heart outside of my body in the form of my mini diva looks like this:

or this:

instead of this:

then you will have no question as to why I look like this while dragging her out of the library when she's screaming at me:

That's right. I look like a crazy person smiling to detract observers from catching on to how insanely embarrassed and shocked I am to be walking a normally temperate child screaming "nooooo!!!" out of the local dollar store. (But not nearly as nice-I'm saving the environment by only washing my hair every two.. three.. maybe four days.)

The kid is trying to drive me nuts. Two days in a row now I've had to take her adorable but absolutely bratty behaving self out of a store or library because she refused to stop pouting, talking back, or just being obnoxious. I love her to bits and pieces, but if she doesn't stop I'm going to have to start hunting wild boars to relieve some stress. Kidding! I'll just spend her college savings on make up and shoes.

In case you were wondering this is what I normally look like:

Riiiiight....

Dogs and Babies

So, how wrong is it that I equate dogs with babies? Like the same rules apply for both. Food on the floor? Don't worry! The baby will get it. Don't give the baby chocolate; it makes babies sick! Who peed on the floor!?! It was the baby. Don't let the baby sleep in your bed/jump on furniture: you'll never break him of that habit. And I honestly had the thought to give the baby a chicken bone but rejected that thought once I "remembered" that babies could choke and die on a chicken bone. Like dogs.

This is the mini diva when she was extra mini. She loved hanging out with her uncles Hans and Marcus when she visited Grandma's house.

A better picture of the mini and her uncles, which she used to call "bark barks." 

Funny story: she was asked by one of the girls at church yesterday when she was going to get her own dog. She responded with this gem: "When I get rid of my brother." 

Look at my little Larry, proving his momma wrong! He can eat chocolate.

Thankfully, my husband corrected me. Turns out babies can eat people food, even chocolate! And that I can fix him his own plate instead of making him beg for scraps. At least I resisted buying him that super cute dog bed and allowed him his own bed. But I draw the line at him chewing on the furniture.